The New And The Old

I write as I watch out of my window, breathing the beautiful air that would be. I swell as I breathe in. I've fallen in love with this place. It makes my heart happy. The Shard with its 800 ft. of height looks over the water, the greens and the million laughs and hopefully, fewer heartbreaks that find their stories in this city. I am reminded of the breeze the blew against my face as I stared into the distance on the river in a boat; feeling a calm that I may have never felt before. I am here, living a dream, feeling happy; feeling complete.

I don't seem to need anything any more. I am in a beautiful city that I explore with every footstep I take in a different direction. I've fallen in love with every step I take to map it. I never had to adjust my traffic sense because India drives on the left, never had to feel odd or scared because my manners seem to match what I need to stay here, never had to stop because jaywalking is a norm here. I was happy in my own silence as the quietude of the place matched my own thoughts. I felt as expansive as the ground I covered for I never wanted to be in this room. I may not be claustrophobic but it really seems to be too small to contain me and my wanderlust.

Breaking my own walls to find liberation has been overwhelming and I can't wait to go back and be the new person but that's what makes me pause and thinking. Would I find my liberated being a niche there? I know I want to go back, but to what? My city? Or my old self? Sadly, I remember my old self far too well and that's not  a very happy picture. Independence feels good. I could surely get used to it.  I carry that old self with me around, as my mind wanders out of these premises at night. Each time I grow into the new, I feel sadder about the old. So what am I going back to? It's really only been two weeks but I feel like I've left so many things far behind. I feel the tips of my toes and fingers curling out, reaching out to the world. I want to live this. In every way I can. Before I go back to my world; my country, my state, city, house, room and old self. I will live this place, then- because I can.

London: Summer 2014

The Women I Found

We talk a lot about strong women and their ideals and feats in this world. I am amazed what women are doing in this world today for themselves. But if I were to look for examples to look up to, I don't have to look far.
I'm proud that I have such a great group of friends who talk about everything; from life to hard work to relationships and boys and dreams and ambitions but most importantly: they're such a liberated set of women in so many ways.

"No girl needs a boy, and there's nothing wrong in wanting one."
"Being able to take care of yourself when you grow up is not about the fact that a husband can do it better for you, but that you can do it just as well and better."
"They're doing anything and everything that interests them and which they're good at. I want to have that life, too, and I know I can. I just have to work hard for it right now, in college."

I'm so proud of you, women. Not because I'm supposed to be for you're my friends; but because you're all the kind of people who give me a reason to be proud of you for who you are!

10 Best Feels EVER!

Subject to change with better experiences...? I may not update, though. I'm a tad bit lazy, yeah. But hey, you may always have a different set of top 10. You want to consider this personal, then? Ok, here we go.

1. To see an infant stop crying and find comfort in your arms.
2. The feel of the gentle and mildly cold breeze on your face.
3. Walking with someone who doesn’t make silence feel awkward; in fact fills it with immense understanding.
4. To walk barefoot on dewy grass (hope for clean grounds or parks)
5. The perfect rains; not too heavy but not too light (may I add Paris here?)
6. The winter sunshine (And if you’re lucky, you’ll spot a dog sleeping or basking around)
7. Eye contacts- wordless, meaningful ones.
8. Crashing on bed and feeling like your head’s resting on a wave of water (happens sometimes, if you’ve been around too much water for the day. It also alleviates some stress off you.)
9. First snow ever (You know you could be a believer of magic for that one moment)
10. To see someone give you the most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen (and almost swoon...? Don’t ask me if it’s love. I wouldn’t know.)

She

And you could say that to her again, and again and again.

Apparently, Twilight is so popular cuz teenagers can relate to it.

Oh yeah, I remember that time when I was a vampire.

Reblogged from: http://www.infinityonpause.blogspot.in/

Blank Verse

I wonder if you've ever thought if it was the hypocrisy of the litmus paper or the brute strength of the worker; that we see different colours on the paper with acid and with base and we think gold to be malleable. I wonder if you ever pondered if people change or if it was your mistake or your delusion that you stand here stranded.

Every tide rises and falls but are our expectations meant to experience the same crests and troughs? Why did you think he meant it all? Why do you think she’ll come back? Why do we crash and burn to realize that we are but a small dot in the cosmic order of universe and our existence shall mean nothing and yet we nurture the desire of a thousand burning suns to be remembered?

Write me an elegy?

Every day we die a little; optimists would argue that before that death, we bloom into life. Every day. Call me what you want to but every day I realize that people are a killjoy, social media is an exaggeration, life is a never-ending Ekta Kapoor serial except it stretches longer than 10 years if you’re lucky (or unlucky maybe?), and no matter how much you do to create value for your life, yourself or just the days you live and as they go by you shall realize that all this grandeur is doomed to turn into just a speck of dust one day.

Can you watch the past go up in smoke now?

Do you think it’s time that you introspect, then. Your decisions, their consequences. Perhaps this is your life’s ode to the winds of change and this is the time you could cut reason some slack. She loved him. He didn't say it. So she had to walk away. It hurt. But was there another way?

“Maybe it was because I was never verbose or my ego came in the way.

Maybe it was ignorance or just sheer selfishness on your part but maybe it was time to stop chasing you since you loved the running away.”

Stoneheart!

Inspiration: Thomas Gray "Elegy Written In A Country Courtyard"

Nouvelle Année

As we grow up, the realization of the redundancy of the concept of New Year Resolutions and the understanding of growing from within begin to dawn upon us.  We change, mature and a counted few introspect. So what do we see ourselves being when we see ourselves in retrospect 2013? What do we expect from 2014? If you’ve been the fortunate, yet unfortunate victim of being hit by life hard in your guts, you’d probably ask for some time; to be stable again. If you think you’re just living by your years on earth, then probably you’re asking for a reason to get by yet another year. If you’ve been unproductive and you have any conscience that stabs you every time you think you’ve been a useless butt, then you ask for opportunities. Mostly, people expect change. I do, too.

But this end of the year, I’m scared of what is to begin.

You see, Decembers have been pretty eventful for me since 2009; the year I see myself growing up to be aware of a world around me. This December, on the other hand, ends on a peaceful and ordinary note. Obviously then, end of 2013 means the beginning of a 2014 and that means a new cycle which scares me. I don’t have anything to keep focusing on, or to think about or to forget about. I’m a blank slate and it’s terrifying to wonder what chalks would be thrown at me. But I’ve taken life as it comes to me and gotten over things and I’ve learnt that it’s okay to take the leap.

And so I shall, again.

I’ll want to let myself bloom; into all things I’ve aspired to be, all things that I’ve worked for and most importantly, all things I’ve dreamt of. It’s a long road, but I shall take it and embark on a journey. I hope the journey shows me who I am; for that’s what I’ve been searching for, trying to discover. I hope I make the journey worthwhile when I get there.

For one thing is sure. If life ever throws me into movie scene, I don’t want to come across a someone who is what I wanted to be and break into a million pieces. I want to be and I shall be happy in my own shoes and that shall be, when I take that journey. I know I have plans, but for now…

Hello 2014, let’s see what you’ve got!