Coffee Beans

I stirred my coffee over and over waiting to see some foam on the top.  Across the counter, memories swirled on the steam that plastered the window on that beautiful snowy morning.

“Aditi, whenever you need to talk, I just want to let you know that I have your back.” I lingered. Good people don’t go out of your life until you wish them away. Vasavi came back around and I was glad.

“Main nahin sehti” the joy that this statement brought to me was inexplicable. I almost forgot my compulsion to stir the coffee. There aren’t many cool people you find in the multitude of drama you’ll see walking around you every day in college. I smiled when I thanked my fortunes for having met Vibhawari.

“I’m happy that you’re happy”  and I get back to my coffee. I take a sip. It needs more coffee beans. I forget how much I put in and enough is never enough, it seems. Just as he forgets things. Prabhat can be annoying. But just as I said this in my head, things fell into place. After all, just as coffee beans keep giving out colour to the milk even if they’re not just enough for the perfect coffee yet, he comes around. He doesn’t have to be around to do things or think things he wants to for you, about you.

And another thought raced to my mind. I took a deep breath. There’s something that gives. She lends me something that I seem to need a lot of times. I suddenly stand straight, charged. I put my coffee down. I have to set up the counter for work. Eesha’s work obsession is something I could never match but her persona may have put some pieces of my puzzle into place for me. I am more of my own person when she’s around.

I sighed. I had too many coffee beans in my coffee now. I put more sugar to regain the balance. I chuckled as that could have made some metaphorical sense, too. Lit kids, pfft! But then it’s not a lost cause. Aayush does give the best pep talk. I’ve never heard better. He could even beat the girls who think they’re the “best” at this.

The bell tinkled and the door opened. My reverie broke and it startled me. My coffee jumped right out of my mug right into the sink. I looked back to see who came in and then right back into the sink.

“Ah! I need more coffee beans!”

Independence Day

Today let's take a minute to thank our soldiers who sacrifice, to remember those who first tried to take out that bunch of warring whites. To remind ourselves ourselves that we still have a long way to go; because we may have got this country back from foreign hands but we still don't have the country in hands of our own.

Today is Independence day; probably the only day when all of us unanimously call this country 'ours'. Hence it is a Happy Independence Day, indeed.

But let's think of all the other days when we don't associate ourselves with our country; all those times we wish we had a green card and scoot from here; all those minutes we spend talking about how "these Indians" drive or don't vote or can't maintain queues and procedures, etc. or how everything in India is 'just like that' and how nobody tried to change it.

How much is our country- is India- really our own?

I hope we work towards that from this moment on because today's momentum will probably remain unparalleled for the rest of the year. Even if you start with a thought, it's still a beginning for it's the thought that counts. And every thought sown reaps into an action that reaps into a character and trust me- we could really use a few genuinely patriotic souls around here! And I can bet you think so too.

Do tell me how you plan to start making India you own country today!

The story of our lives!

So it's exam time and here's what flashes in front of my eyes:

College Starts:                                                           



Every Class:                                                               



As Exams Approach:                                                



On Seeing The Syllabus                                             



Night Before The Exam:                                              



On The Day Of The Exam:                                       


On Seeing The Paper:                                                    


After Coming Out Of The Exam Hall:                          


Before The Last Exam:                                                 




At The End Of The Semester Exams:                           




The First Week After Exams End:                                  




The Week Before The Results Come Out:                    




When The Result Comes Out:                                    




2 Days Later:                                                                

Politically Incorrect

Disclaimer: No matter how much I feel intrigued by people who're politically incorrect and do controversial stuff... this is something I witnessed and was aghast by it. So, here's what I have to tell you!

So I’ve been on hiatus since really long I know! Blame it on the bazillion things I’ve been busy with! Internships, assignments, MUN conferences (oh I had one of my most memorable and special ones) and then other riff-raff. Who doesn’t have that?
So well, to reiterate, I’ve been busy! :P
But I’m back and I’ve been perturbed about quite a few things since a few weeks. From redundancy of facebook and whatsapp to hypocrisy and what not! I almost decided to become a social recluse. It was like mid-Class 10 and early Class 11 all over again! But well, did not happen. So, what do I come here with?
I just witnessed the cheapest things happening in my college. And they’ve got me utterly upset and disturbed. Let me start from the beginning. We’ve got elections in a few days’ time and campaigning has been going on. So well we had something called an informal confrontation where there are no teachers and well you can ask the ‘real’ questions from the candidates. Real? Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
So I enter the café, that afternoon and I see a large crowd gathered looking at participants. The participants did some extremely cheap things as a part of their dare. If I could exercise my freedom of speech and expression to the fullest, you’d have known and would have probably understood what a shock that was. And that was so wrong that I just walked out. It was just wrong on so many levels that I can’t even begin to explain. News says that one of them cried later.
So, a lot of you might argue that what was happening was fun. A lot of you would probably just say that it was a show and that I could just enjoy. Some of you might not understand why I reacted the way I did even if you agree that what was happening wasn’t good. Honestly, apart from my belief that sexuality is not something that should be so openly discussed and hence I couldn’t be a part of something where I was contributed as an audience, I couldn’t reason with my reaction, either.
But as I couldn’t get over my upset state of mind and thought more and more about what I had witnessed that afternoon, I realized I was aghast at what their idea was of ‘fun’, ‘informal introduction’ and more importantly, ‘campaigning for votes’. And not just that. This is a college where the anthem of ‘Feminism’ is sounded probably the loudest. And if I had seen some random bunch of girls doing this, I wouldn’t have minded all that much. But I just saw girls reduce themselves to mere bodies and do everything that the feminist discourse criticizes. They’re perpetrating what all feminine-kind has been trying to fight and resist universally. And not just ANY group of girls, but girls who’re going to be shouting at the top of their lungs about Feminism and representing what our college is essentially trying to embody, once they get elected. What did they just show me then?
That they’re just a bunch of hypocrites who’d do anything for votes. People who don’t take any ideology too seriously. Do I want to vote for such people? I don’t think so.
Another point here. There were some girls who didn’t agree to what was being asked of them but still did it. Like the girl who ended up crying. My sympathies with them but I still won’t vote for them. Because they’ve shown me how they just broke when they faced peer pressure. So somebody who can be so easily pushed around won’t be able to take a stand and would definitely bow down in front of authority and would just be the teachers’ pet doing as they say and not brining any relief for students who wish for some leeway in this school-like college.
My question to all of them for is: Forget your agenda for college. Tell me what you principals you stand by for yourself.
I’ve been reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. And I just recently, a few days back, came across some very powerful lines that I can’t help finding pertinent to this situation.
“I will hold to the principals received by me when I was sane, and not mad- as I am now. Laws and principals are not for times when there is no temptation: they are for moments such as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth- so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane- quite insane, with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, forgone determinations are all I have at this hour to stand by; there I plant my foot. ”
These are immensely powerful lines and I was really happy and surprised to see something come up in this book which I have followed so closely myself.
And finally, you might think I’m judging but then one, it’s not so easy to not rule judgments at them for this. Two, I’m not judging them and that’s why even when I find this to be so amoral I am disturbed that I can’t even hold it against them.
What I’ve decided now is that I’m going to abstain from voting entirely. I know that I have no other choice apart from people who were at that confrontation that day. I also know that I can’t vote for such people. Lastly, I know that there’s no way I can prevent them from coming to form the Union; if not one then another will be there. Hence, I’d just stand clear and not contribute to something that I so strongly disapprove of.
No matter how insignificant this may be, I’m going to be satisfied with myself and my decision. I hope my silence has finally been heard and understood if not agreed to.
When I discussed this with a few friends they disapproved of how I wanted to stay away from this politics and how I can’t be apolitical but this is my stand, nevertheless. Please do leave your comments and let me know what you think about it!

True Story...

I wonder if you know yet that you'll leave me. That you
are a child playing with matches and I have a paper body.
You will meet a girl with a softer voice and stronger arms and she
will not have violent secrets or an affection for red wine or eyes
that never stay dry. You will fall into her bed and I'll go back
to spending Friday nights with boys who never learn my last name.

I have chased off every food who has tried to sleep beside me.
You think it's romantic to fuck the girl who writes poems about you.
You think I'll understand your sadness because I live inside my own.
But I will show up at your door at 2 am, wild-eyed and sleepless,
and try and find some semblance of pace in your breastbone
and you will not let me in. You will tell me to go home.

via: http://infinityonpause.blogspot.in/
Posted by: Clementine Von Radics 

Could've, Would've, Should've....

So here's another one. Don't accuse me of writing a sad one... that's where my thoughts take me! :P At least I'm being brave and putting it up now! Don't complain, shush and read!

Disclaimer: I just wrote this last night and haven't re-read or edited or changed it a bit. So, sorry if this isn't exactly the best-framed thing ever!

I was born

flinched at, gasped at

but then i gave

Much more than I could

Much more than I should

I finally broke, submitted myself

Breathed in manner

But I felt sapped

In more ways than I could

In more ways than I should

And then rebellion happened

Bottled; I screamed, I had woken up

I thought, I realised and I learned about myself

I heard myself

More than I should

More than people would

So I held back next time

As i reminded myself it was unbecoming

I would give as much as I was given

It was decided; but my heart yearned

For more than it should

For more than I could

And then there was light

I felt warm

But seasons change and I realised

that I had leaped fast and expected

more than I would

more than I should

And I stand here again

knowing that I can still choose

But somehow I want to be happy

By choosing to give

Much more than I should

Much more than I should

So how did you like it? Feel free to leave a comment! :)

p.s. be nice to this little amateur! :D

Adieu!

So……!!!! It’s the last hour of 2012 and I thought I should post something. Since I don’t make resolutions (Seriously, I got over that like when I was what? 11?!) so I thought it’s better to end the year with a nice ending and a beautiful beginning.

I know the last few days have been disturbing, at least around where I live. It’s so upsetting that I very reluctantly pick up the newspaper to read these days and trust me, when I say this, it’s actually saying a lot! But then since every cloud has a silver lining and I like to see it, I think the year ends with some despair but more than that… hope! That things will change. And this time- FOR the better.

A lot of goodbyes were said this year. Some really huge personalities called it a day- Sachin Tendulkar, Ricky Ponting!! More than that this year a lot of lives that touched and moved a million hearts took abode to heaven- Pandit Ravi Shankar, Whitney Houston, Rajesh Khanna!!! However, I know that they’d always be fondly remembered with the impressions they left of themselves on this world that make us smile.

I for one, touched a lot of milestones this year- turned 18, graduated from school, made it to an awesome college and well got a chance for new beginnings; something I wished for since the tenth grade desperately. Only I’m glad it didn’t happen back then but after school because evidently, I had lessons to learn and I did. So I graduated sadder but wiser and now I’m in a happy space. Hope you've found yours too. Or else 2013 may bring you just that! who knows? :)

And there’s a lot to look forward to in the year 2013. I can’t really say what since I don’t know myself but I can feel it! Just like I can smell rain! It’s a beautiful feeling and good or bad, I know shall take it all in my stride and learn and grow and become a better and more mature person.

To what comes and what’s left behind! Let’s look back and smile. It shall make us feels better! Let’s look forward and let the twinkle settle in our eyes; welcoming the future! Let’s welcome 2013!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope it brings us all a more prosperous time than what came to us with 2012.