Pro-Choice or Pro-Life?

This question has burned at the back of my mind since a long time. They talk about a normal pregnancy usually. But I think of it in a very different context.

More than a political view, I think we all hold a very personal stake in this question. Consider this:

Would you like to give birth to your child when you know he’s going to be mentally or physically handicapped?

Days back I was reading a book by Jodi Picoult called Handle With Care. It dealt with a couple who had a girl who was diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta type III while she was still in the womb. They still decided to not abort her. What followed were moments of happiness but more than that… a chain of hardships. Their marriage almost fell apart, their first daughter strayed and developed bulimia nervosa, which is an eating disorder, the mother sues her best friend cum gynecologist  to be able to earn monetary help for the daughter’s future needs. She claims in court that had she known of the problem, she would have terminated the pregnancy which she'd been lying about because she'd not say that even if she was held at gun point. Point being, no matter how noble we want to think or be or believe, when we consider the first question more things than just the desire of having that child matter:

Can the disability or handicap be cured?

How bad will it or can it get?

Will your circumstances- social and financial- allow you to take the liberty and give birth to this child?

And will YOU be able to handle it? Emotionally speaking!

Let’s face the facts. Apart from will, you definitely need a supportive environment to be able to raise such a child. You need to have the finances, the resources and finally some family support to an extent. If you do not have practical, affordable, effective and accessible resources (a part of it is medical facilities) you can’t possibly make this child survive or not hate yourself wanting to give up every time it gets hard. If you’re too lucky, you’ll work on some kind of a denial mechanism to refute the fact that it’s getting too tough to handle. And then how would it feel to see that child suffer every minute of his or her life which could be shorter than yours! It tore me apart every time Jodi Picoult described how the child was getting on with her life in the book.

We all deal with certain issues in our life. We struggle to come to terms with them. How would it be to give birth to a child who has to learn to struggle from the very minute that the child starts breathing? There is absolutely nothing to help, no consolation. Everybody would just keep thinking of those two words- what if…?- which give rise to a million questions in your mind! What if this disability didn’t exist? What if I was different? But will anybody be able to answer those? Well, nobody would know any different than what they’ve seen.

I know that families and couples who now are living with such children or family members will think I am anti-disability or anti-handicaps but trust me, I am not. In fact, I have had my share of relatives who are living with fatal problems and incurable disabilities and they’re loved like none other. If given a choice, their parents would like to do that all over again because what they got in the bargain was a beautiful child that is an indispensible part of their lives. I understand why people claim that it is more important to love your child than anything that your child suffers from. This would help you pull through. But who are you kidding?

Normal kids can’t get through just with their parents’ support. They want to commit suicides for being too fat or too ugly or if they’re bullied. How can we say such utopian things for the handicapped or disabled kids? Are you guaranteeing the fact they will have everything else perfect in their life if they overlook that one limitation? Life is a lot tougher. It bullies you, it betrays you, it eats you within and compels you to not talk about it. Then what?

Yes, I’m angry. Just because you want to say that such people deserve a life (which I don’t deny) why are you giving it to them if you already know that what will follow their birth is a just a non-terminable series of agonies, loss of faith and moments of despair which (let’s face it) are more in number and degrees than the moments that are simply divine. Also, say if a child has some mental disability or disease, I can only remotely imagine the million pieces it would tear his/her mom and dad every time they realize that they can’t live longer than their child, that there might not be somebody who would love their child they way they do, that the future of their child is uncertain to the extent of not knowing how he/she will survive after them! That dreaded question- how will she/he survive by herself? Can she/he?

It is not about the right of a child to live. Everybody has the right to life. But they should also be given a chance to live a life where they don't have such problems! And they parents get that choice. If given a choice would you not choose a life free of this handicap?

Can a parent really live through this every moment? Can a child be subjected to live through this just because deep rooted belief and thought says “Good or bad- it’s mine and I’ll handle it”?

Are you really going to forget that the child has to live that life?

Are you really that selfish?